I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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