just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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