do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
