dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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