I want to walk on stilts...naked
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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