True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
