am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just had sex bonerless
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
