Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I died a long time ago.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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