i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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