i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
