Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Someone signed my nipple.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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