Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
