Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
