porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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