Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
