Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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