Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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