I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
