What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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