Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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