When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
