I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
