the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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