i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
