I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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