You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She's like a pop up book from hell.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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