The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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