when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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