What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
