East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
