I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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