i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
