u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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