her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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