why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
