Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
