I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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