They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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