long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
