Will you blow on my dice?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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