No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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