I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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