Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is it penis luge time yet?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
