so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just had sex bonerless
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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