all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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