I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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