I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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