i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
