My hand turned me down
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
