i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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