he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
