what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
