speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
