it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
