The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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