i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
