Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am one with the molecules
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
