Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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