He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
