I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
this boner is exhausting
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
