Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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