so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
