I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
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he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
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You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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