I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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