There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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