thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
